Apparently. Of all the things I could and did predict about the content and trajectory of Western Culture, this was an aspect I simply didn’t fathom. Who would have thought that being ghosted would be a thing? Much less a truly fundamental threat to the Christian Brotherhood? Not me. I missed it.
Had you asked, I could have offered you convincing proof that technology was going to amplify our problems at a rate exponential to the value it offered. We’re sinners, DUH! What did we expect? I’ve written about that before. If you claimed that schools, businesses, government, and higher education were going to embrace DEI nonsense, not because they believed it, but because they were afraid of what might happen if they didn’t comply, I’d have high-fived you, because that happens to be true, and I’ve written about that too. But if we’d discussed the tendency to ignore, marginalize, or disconnect from one another in an age of connectivity, I’d have argued with you.
Yet, here we are.
ghost·ing – /ˈɡōstiNG/ – the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.
As a person who thoroughly enjoys and needs contact with others, I don’t do well when sequestered. Covid was hard on me. Luckily our church largely ignored it. In fact, we only stopped meeting at church for a shade over a month, and our Deacons essentially said, “Don’t lick each other and quit coming if you’re ill.” We listened. Everything was fine. I’m not talking about a government-mandated lockdown when I refer to ghosting. Rather, the personal choice to simply make your friends, family, and acquaintances a lower priority when it comes to communication.
Ask yourself if you receive return correspondences in the same frequency, speed, and enthusiasm you once did. All other things being equal, I’ll bet you have people who don’t respond. I can start to describe them, but you already know some of the folks I’d list. Some of these people are very important to you, too. Maybe so much access to one another has managed to cheapen it. Where our connections used to be a mile deep and an inch wide, they’ve reversed and become a mile wide and an inch deep. That’s troubling to me.
I can’t be certain what the root cause is, but I can predict the fallout. Christians, as are all human beings, do well together, not apart. Eve is proof. God made Adam but knew he needed a companion. Not only did they manage to sin together, just as we do today, but they needed each other as we do today. David laments over a companion and confidant, not his enemy who taunts him in Psalm 55 – why have we become that guy? Paul talks about the love of brotherly affection in Romans 12 – we need that and should offer that. Luke reminds us Jesus wants us to love even our enemies as ourselves in Chapter 6. If we’re to love even our enemies, can we not embrace our brothers in Christ?
If you’re being ghosted and the connectivity you need isn’t present, then a few things must happen. First, prayer and forgiveness… You never know what the person on the other end of the line might be going through. His or her absence might be symptomatic of a problem you could help solve. Second, you must have a willingness to hold those hard conversations. But when you do, and you both approach the conversation well, you’ve won your brother. Third, make darned sure you’re not the culprit. Go back to the first Beatitude offered as Matthew 5:3.
Yeah, I said that… EXAMINE YOURSELF! You may be guilty of getting a text you sense carries some urgency, then shut the screen down as you think, “I’ll deal with that later,” only to forget it. To the person on the other end, you’ve told them you don’t care. And when you numb yourselves to the needs of others, and it becomes a habit, you’ll do only what you wish, what makes you happy, or what benefits you. After all, you’re choosing on the fly to make or deny time for others.
Better yet, proactively reach out to your brothers. Your family, friends, and fellowships need you. Don’t deny them simply because you aren’t getting what you need, or worse, what you want.
I’m truly concerned ghosting, which appears to be more and more prevalent daily, will cause us to turn inward rather than towards our brothers. We need each other. Don’t deny your brothers. I pray you’re both the preserving nature of salt and the easily witnessed presence of light in the darkness.
